- Hm. - What are you looking at?
Comments about how I'm unlovable,
and my website's a scam.
You can't just ignore me.
Actually, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Why aren't there any photos of you and me
when I was a baby?
I think I'm going to give
you and Valerie some space.
Where you gonna go?
Don't worry about me, dear.
We'll be talking.
Why are you still holding on?
Because then my mother will be right.
And if you keep the house, then...
she'll be less right?
I'll look into appraisers this week,
find out what it's worth.
[exhales]
[acoustic guitar]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Do you think this about the divorce?
How?
I don't know, like,
she feels like her tank is empty, or...
there's a gaping hole in the side of her
that needs to be filled.
A gaping hole inside her?
Stop it.
It'd look good in the kitchen.
I agree.
My breakfast nook looks out over the mountains,
this would fit perfectly.
Mom, what are you doing here?
Laura invited me,
and I love art.
- You talked to her? - You flew back from Sedona?
She wanted me to come,
and I never left.
You still seem a little tense, dear.
Maybe you should look into having another massage.
I don't understand, a Chevron?
Are we still talking about this?
Like, what was his big move?
Did he let you wash his windshields?
Stop, you're making me wet.
[mischievous music]
♪ ♪
Valerie?
Oh, hey.
Everything okay?
My mother's here.
Oh.
Actually, can you talk to me,
so she doesn't?
Just about anything.
Um, do you know that game "Best/Worst?"
Explain it to me, very slowly.
[laughs]
Um, who's the best person you look like
and who's the worst?
Like people have said that my best is Armie Hammer.
Oh, yeah.
Who's your worst?
Buzz Lightyear.
Right.
[chuckles]
Um, so Laura,
she's doing well.
Do you, do you really think so?
Yeah, with the year you guys are having,
she's pretty resilient.
She is, isn't she?
How are things with her father?
Uh, we are fighting a war of attrition.
You know, whoever starts dating first
usually gets the upper hand.
Does fucking your mistress in our bed count as dating?
Ooh.
Oh, uh, uh,
Katherine Keener or Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Oh. Yes.
I will take it.
Okay.
Thank you. Who's my worst?
I'll let you know.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
So...
What do you think of my piece?
It's a box, in the shape of a heart.
It's kinda like a heart-shaped box.
It's inspired by Nirvana,
I know it's one of their lesser known tracks.
That was a #1 single.
Can I ask you something, bro to bro?
Excuse me?
Can you tell Laura that I didn't cheat on her?
Are you kidding me?
Tell her yourself.
Please don't outbid me, she's my daughter.
And my granddaughter.
Mother, I am not doing this with you.
It's a shame Laura didn't feel comfortable
asking Drew to come.
Is that what she told you?
I intuited.
She sees how callously you're treating him.
It's natural.
Children are very impressionable.
Mother, stop driving the price up.
Don't fight it. She always wins.
- You ready to go? - Mm-hmm.
Really, really proud of her
and you guys should be too.
She's, uh, special considering--
I just want him to notice me.
Like really notice me.
I mean, we went out.
I thought it was a date, but--
I don't know, I guess I just thought
something would have happened by now.
Maybe he's waiting for you to make a move.
I don't think that's it.
Are you sexually active?
I was.
A sexually active woman is a powerful force.
She exudes the scent.
The scent?
Pheromones.
The scent lets him know you're ready to engage.
Like a wolf.
But what if I don't have a scent?
You do.
You just need to meet another wolf to bring it out.
[acoustic guitar]
♪ ♪
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Are you free after school today?
Um, I have practice, but--
Skip it.
[heavy breathing]
Just for the record,
I didn't sleep with Charlotte at Becca's party.
I honestly don't care.
Okay, I did,
but it didn't mean anything.
Stop talking.
[acoustic guitar]
♪ ♪
Still like poppy seed, right?
[door closes]
(Drew) What's with the lemons?
Lemons sell houses.
Everybody knows that.
Are you okay?
Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
Cause you're talking in your creepy high voice.
No, this is my motivated voice.
Is that the new dishwasher?
No, I didn't get it yet.
I had that ride to Santa Barbara on Sunday.
Oh. Okay.
It's just, we can't sell the house with the broken one.
I'm aware of that.
Did you get the garage motor?
I figured I would do that when I get the dishwasher.
Did you do anything that's on the realtor's list?
You don't have to micromanage me.
I'm not micromanaging you, because to do that,
you would have had to have done something.
- Where are you going? - Home Depot.
You want me to do something?
I will fucking do something.
Why are you so angry with me?
Oh, like you're not angry?
God knows what you're saying to Laura about me.
I don't talk about you with Laura.
- Stainless steel. - What?
The--it needs to be the same one,
the Viking, the stainless...
steel.
[clinking]
- Hey. - Hey.
Hi. I got you your--
I got you your favorite.
It's a mocha frappe light, that's right?
Is that right?
Sorry. Thanks.
I didn't get myself anything.
I mean, I wanted Pinkberry,
but there wasn't time to get both,
and Fountain was terrible,
with the street closures cause Biden's in town, and--
Are you having a mini stroke?
Just forget it.
Are you mad?
You're mad.
I said forget it.
Well because you decided to go to Starbucks?
Because I expect just a little bit of gratitude
when I go out of my way for someone.
Well I said "Thanks".
And I didn't ask for Starbucks.
But I went anyway!
Jesus. Just get a fucking Pinkberry next time.
Who's the worst person I look like?
Does it have to be an actual person?
How about an upside down mop?
You asked.
What's wrong with you?
I thought you were happy Mom left.
Maybe I'm not supposed to be happy.
- What does that mean? - I don't know.
Like, I've done more bad than good,
and the universe is punishing me.
What about all the good that you've done for me?
What good?
You welcome me into your house.
Yeah, anybody would do it.
You think so?
[cell phone dings]
What?
- [chuckles] - What?
Nothing.
Was it boobs?
[indistinct chatter]
Oh my God, Laura.
Hi, hey.
Um, have you talked to Emile?
No, should I?
Oh, fuck. You don't know what he did.
[school bell rings]
Ugh, pathetic.
All right guys, you know the rules.
Cell phone out gets taken away. Come on.
I'll give it back after class, all right?
[acoustic guitar]
♪ ♪
Take your seats.
♪ ♪
Where are the lemons?
Good morning to you too.
Drew, the lemons?
Ah, there were fruit flies, so I had to throw them out.
Okay. That seems unlikely,
since I just bought them yesterday.
I see you got the dishwasher.
Floor model, 200 bucks off.
Ok, but, you know, it was supposed to be
the same as the one that we had.
It's a dishwasher.
That doesn't match the kitchen.
Do you want me to take it back?
Well that's going to be hard,
since you already installed it.
Then what do you want me to do?
There were no fruit flies.
You want your lemons?
I'll get your fucking lemons,
if it'll mean you'll stop being such a cunt.
What did you just call me?
You heard me.
[door slams]
Real mature.
Open the fucking door!
No! Go out the garage door.
(Drew) You know it's broken!
[thudding on door]
Are you kidding me?
Have you ever seen traffic this bad?
Every day.
[sighs]
I made a 6:00 P.M. reservation,
now Waze says we're getting there
at 6:06-- no, fucking 6:07, fuck.
- Biden's in town. - Joe Biden?
I'm going to miss the most important date
of my life because of Joe fucking Biden?
He's got donors to visit.
What donors does Joe Biden have?
He's stumping for Clinton.
I feel for him though,
back-up player, second string,
only there when the first team falters.
What the fuck are you talking about?
[smooth jazz]
♪ ♪
Emmy.
- Hey. - Alex.
Biden?
Biden, yeah.
[cell phone rings] [sighs]
Just one second,
I am really sorry about this.
Uh, one sec.
Val, what?
Alex, okay, you have to help me.
- Are you okay? Is it Laura? - No.
- Is it Carl? - Wait, who?
- Our dog. - Alex, no.
It's Drew--is locked in the garage.
- So let him out. - I can't.
Call a locksmith, Val, I've got to go.
Okay, I locked him in the garage.
Is everything okay?
My sister just locked her ex-husband in the garage.
It's fine.
How long's been in there, Val?
(Valerie) I don't know, like, um, 45 minutes maybe?
You know you have to let him out eventually.
I'm pretty committed here.
(Drew) Val, if you don't open this door,
I am knocking it the fuck down!
Do you hear that? Do you hear that?
- Yeah. (Valerie) So angry right now.
I mean, I'm really just kinda keeping him in there
for his own safety.
Okay, is there any chance he can knock down the door?
Um--
I don't-- I don't think so.
It's pretty reinforced.
Maybe just order him some food?
No, don't order delivery,
cause then if the driver hears the screams,
then the police will come, and it'll be a whole thing.
Oh, good call.
- Who is that? - It's Emmy.
Pick him up a pizza, I got to go.
Oh, now.
Alex? Fucking Alex.
[pounding on door]
- Who's Emmy? (Drew) Fuck.
[knock on door]
You need to tell the administration.
Can we not make it a bigger deal than it already is?
Laura, you can't just let him get away with this.
I'll handle it.
I mean really,
who doesn't have a sex tape?
I just wish he'd gotten a better angle.
Ah, come here, come here.
[sighs]
Fuck him.
Actually, um, don't.
Ever again. [scoffs]
[acoustic music]
♪ ♪
[grunting]
No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait--
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Well?
I hate to say it, but it's totally worth the hype.
I know.
I want to hate this kind of place so bad,
but the food was just too good.
All right, I have a question.
And, you know, no pressure,
but your answer might determine the outcome of this date.
Oh, well that's a--
that's a crazy amount of pressure.
But, um...
Okay, hit me.
How do you feel about...
nachos?
I am...
in favor of nachos.
- Pile or flat? - The pile. Obviously.
Interesting.
That's v-- cause most people choose flat.
- Do they? - Yeah.
Well, sure, yeah I mean, there's--
there's probably something comforting
about a flat plate of nachos.
Evenly distributed, don't have to pick or choose.
- Nachos for equality. - Exactly.
Flat nachos are great, but they're a fantasy.
I mean, life doesn't hand out toppings evenly.
If it did, everything would taste the same.
The pile, that's the truth.
But, there can only be so many on top.
Yeah, but those are the real nachos.
That's what you want.
- The rest are just-- - Just chips.
Thank you for the sushi.
Well the least I could do is, um,
buy you dinner.
You know you are going to have to let
me out of here eventually, right?
If I let you out,
how do I know you're not going to kill me?
I would,
but then who will pay my alimony and child support?
Mother fucker.
I should just let you die.
Is there any more soy sauce?
Why'd you do it?
Why'd you cheat?
I don't know.
Yeah, you do.
After I lost my job, there was a lot of pressure.
I couldn't find work.
But I was working all the time, and--
I mean, instead of being grateful, you were--
well, it's like you resented me.
No, I didn't resent you, I felt...
unnecessary.
You know, and so I...
focused on what made me happy,
and it just made you miserable.
But I wasn't miserable.
I just didn't have time to be happy.
I mean, I had to work
all the time to pay for private school.
Maybe you shouldn't have.
Well, it's what Laura needed.
What about what you needed?
Maybe you sacrifice too much for this family?
For Laura.
I loved you, Val,
and for a long time, I loved our marriage,
and I wish
that we could've worked things out, but...
we didn't.
[acoustic guitar]
♪ ♪
[door unlocks]
Val.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
Oh, the "lighting move."
Yeah, very subtle.
It's almost like they want to tell us something.
- There's a whiskey bar on 7th. - Hm.
You don't like whiskey?
No, I like it, I like it fine, I just--
like it at my place with my music,
on my record player,
at my volume,
with my choice of company,
and my...
queen bed.
Or we can go to that bar.
♪ ♪
[heavy breathing]
Oh, my God.
- That was, uh-- - Yeah.
Well... [chuckles]
[door closes]
- Is someone here? - What?
Did you just hear that? [door opens]
- Fuck. Shit. - Oh fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
[sighs]
God damn it.
- It's not your night. - I thought I'd surprise you.
Surprise.
(man) Should I go get a beer or something?
(Emmy) Do you mind?
- Text me when you're done? - Yeah.
- And hey, I'm--I'm sorry. - It's okay.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Is that your brother, please?
Uh, my brother's a drug addict.
- Oh, he is. - Yeah, lives in Fresno.
That's sad.
I know, I keep telling him to move.
- So the guy with the tats? - Jake.
- Yeah, my boyfriend.
I hope he didn't kill the mood.
Well... [laughs]
You--
You read my profile, right?
Yeah, it didn't mention any Jake.
Right, but it said I was--
It said I was "open".
Well, it, op-- could mean a lot of things.
You're uncomf-- You're uncomfortable.
No, I-- no.
Um, I'm surprised.
I get it.
I mean, it's not for everyone.
But I had a really nice time tonight.
I mean, it just-- it felt right.
- Right? - Yes, I agree.
Oh, man.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[line trilling]
[phone rings]
- Hello?
Hey, it's Valerie Meyers.
- Uh, Laura's mom. - Hey there.
Yeah, listen, this my sound crazy,
Do you want to go out sometime? With me?
Uh, well, what are you-- what are you thinking?
Dinner? Or drink? Or--
Do you like Pinkberry?
♪ ♪